Sex in the Old Town

I've just moved to a new office one door away from the old one. This place used to be a surau which I converted into an office. Being at the older part of town, I get to observe a lot of going-ons you don't normally see happening in uptown areas. Even this former surau has an interesting history.

Under the "previous management", this place used to double as a love-nest, a gambling den and even used for occult ceremonies on occasions! The previous keeper had allowed people to pray here during the day. At night he used the place to gamble with his friends. He claimed to be a bomoh and would occasionally conduct rituals to get four-digit numbers to bet on. Sometimes he got lucky with the ladies and this is the place for that too. Well, that was how he got kicked out from here anyway.

Next to this building, there's an abandoned row of shops along the railway lines. It is now inhabited by several colourful personalities. A few of them are senior citizens who come by just to pass the time. They loaf around from morning and go home before dark. Some are homeless and practically live there. Two of them are kind of mentally retarded, one begs at the bus station and the other is a bisexual scavenger. They are led by an old man called Pak Mat who would scold them if they don't bring back enough money, empty cans or paper boxes.

But life for them isn't as bad as we thought. Sometimes, they score too. The group has a female member -- a Chinese woman with a bit of mental history too -- who used to join them in the evenings once or twice a week. She usually sits with them for a while and later slips into one of the abandoned shops followed by Pak Mat the Mafia Boss. The rest of the boys can only go in after Pak Mat has finished his business.

I have always looked the other way because I feel even they have needs too. However the restaurant operator downstairs didn't think so and he crashed on the party a few weeks ago, kicked them in their butts and chased them away. Now the woman doesn't visit them anymore but the insistent beggar and the bisexual scavenger still live there. How do I know he's bisexual? Well, he and a male friend were caught with their pants down under the stairs one night a few months ago.

But the most interesting character has got to be this fat Dolly Parton wannabe. She's a very top-heavy woman and I think she actually enjoys being leered at as she shayshays up and down the street several times every day. One of her admirers, an old Haji, must have actually flirted with her and later wished he had never laid his eyes on her. One day while the old Haji was drinking his coffee in the restaurant below, she came in and invited the poor guy over to her place right in front of everybody. The old boy's face turned red as a beet when she started to describe what she want to do to him at her place!

Many of us in the restaurant burst out laughing when she said to the Haji, "Lai la, talak apa punya. Wa kasi lu syiok-syiok punya! (Come on, it's ok. I'm going to give you much pleasure!)" I think he would rather drop dead at that very moment.