Kri, Consultant.

I read with geli today about a mother who had problems filling out forms when she came to the "Occupation" field. She had wanted to classify herself as "Mother" but the clerk attending to her suggested "Housewife" which is the more acceptable blanket term. I wonder what if she's an unemployed single mother?

So she entered this instead: Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations. And what does she actually do? Well, she has a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally that would be indoors and out). She's working for her Masters (the whole darned family) and already has four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) sector and she often works 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.

The story reminds me of a former classmate, Zakaria 'Pak Ya' Hassan-Basari, or rather what he said the last time we (Pak Ya, SM and me) sat down for a couple of drinks in Subang Jaya more than a month ago. Pak Ya is an engineer by training but he's now a tour guide, a peddler of cheap VoIP services, and a host of other things which you can't really put your finger on because he's always doing this or that.

Even though the closest things to engineering that he might be doing right now would probably be checking the oil level of the family car or fixing the dripping tap at the kitchen sink or changing the light bulbs, he still carry that professional attitude with him everywhere. Heck, he might be in his sarong and slippers but one look at him you know he's someone who's been there and done that (or probably is still there doing it).

He's too polished to pose as a tour guide. And that would usually invite questions from the tourists he was supposed to be guiding. The kind of questions like: "So, what else do you do when you're not doing tours?" or "What exactly do you do?" His curt reply would be, "I'm a consultant."

SM and I were stunned for a moment. Then he would elaborate in his usual effervescent manner, "A consultant is term for people who has nothing to do but will do anything for a fee. If you want anything -- products, services or information -- you come to me and I'll find it for you!" I quipped, "Right, that's what I do too. That's what we all do."

Wow! That makes me a consultant too. How very glamorous, huh? Hey, it is a much better label than those I put on my business card: Commissioner for Oaths and Licensed Auctioneer. Yuck! I have had a lot of hard time explaining to people what a Commissioner for Oaths do. Sometimes I even have to say that I'm something like a Magistrate because I get to sign on the dotted line where a Magistrate or a Sessions Court Judge is required to sign (but too busy to do it) and the document would be just as good. But it does give me an incredible boost to the ego to say that, ha ha ha!

A consultant! People consult me when they need to make Statutory Declarations and lawyers consult me when they need to submit affidavits to the courts. Bankers consult me when they want to dispose off foreclosed properties and investors consult me when they want to buy abandoned houses at heavily discounted prices, too. Yeah! Heck, even Johari Public has to consult me if he has lost his IC or driving licence, whatever!

I must go and print new business cards. How would YOU classify what you do?